We’re so glad you found us.
When our daughter sat at our kitchen counter and said, “I’m gay,” we weren’t all that surprised. We’d had conversations before; however, this time felt more declarative and somewhat defiant, so those two words set off a stream of emotions inside of us that took weeks (and months) to work through.
Knowing our conservative church community wouldn’t provide a safe place to process (most wouldn’t support our decision to love her no matter what), and with only a handful of friends we could trust not to gossip, we pimarily relied on God to get us through each agonizing day. We weren’t willing to throw out our spiritual walk even though Christians at the time were less than loving.
What we found with God surprised us.
He led us down a path that was so individual, yet generally like many others we’ve met along the way.
We needed peace that God wouldn’t abandon our family or us, and we needed hope that our future could contain goodness again. We also needed the wisdom to navigate this new volatile subject.
Questions swirled through our minds:
- Would our daughter be eternally damned?
- Did the original language of scripture concerning homosexuality reveal more than we’d been taught?
- What is the historical context for those verses? What was the author trying to address?
- Our daughter was asked to leave her church youth group (and told that God wouldn’t love her if she decided to be gay), would that permanently affect her view of Him?
- Would we always feel shame and judgment?
- Can we type in the letters lgbtq+ in a search engine and not be inundated with pornography? (Most don’t think so.)
- Are all lgbtq+ people besotted with lustful thoughts?
- Can we find a community of people who will love and embrace us, plus our daughter?
- Will this have to be the “secret” our family avoids?
- Is “love the sinner, hate the sin” biblical?
- Can we live with a sense of joy and peace again?
- Will God continue to bless our family?
As we worked through all the questions, we confirmed there were very few places to safely process the journey. A lot of Christians would rather avoid the topic if they don’t have lgbtq+ children, and the majority of others just blurt whatever rhetoric they’ve been given from leaders. (Which makes sense to them.) They’d rather not do the hard research if they don’t have to, and who can blame them? This is a tough subject in Christian circles.
Both sides for/against homosexuality hold strong views. Not everyone is gracious while you figure out where you land. We want to change that.
Our mission is to provide a safe, neutral zone for parents to work through their thoughts (no matter where they are on the issue right now) while growing in their faith-based walk. We believe God will ultimately bring hope, healing, and love to anyone working through this dynamic in the days ahead.
Thankfully, there are now more wonderful online communities and resources for LGBTQ+ families than when our daughter came out. Each one has its unique calling and place, and we’ve included links to some of them on our resource page. We join them in bringing love, hope, peace, and change to this beautiful community that has been marginalized and bruised by so many in the church.
Please let us know how we can serve you, and join our secret Facebook community so you can process and ask questions in a safe, neutral, supportive zone. Only members can find the page and see the posts, so your identity and privacy is protected. Click on the icon at the very top of the page to e-mail me, and I’ll send you a personal invite.
If you haven’t signed up for our occasional newsletter, we’d like to invite you to do so. You’ll also receive a free Devotional for LGBTQ+ Parents, and a link to a free video of us sharing what we wish we would have done when our daughter first came out, and some of the things we’ve found helped us heal. The sign-up form is on our home, blog, and resource pages.
Most importantly, we want you to know you are not alone. We’re in it with you and want to help.
Tom and Chris Clements